Before last year, I was ALL about the holidays. Parties, decor, cozy little decked-out bars, just constantly being with my best friends. This is the second year where I want nothing to do with the holidays and I'm not sure if that joy will ever return. So much was stolen from me and while some of it I've been able to tug back to my side, there's still a lot that was taken to Brooklyn.
I'm proud that I can finally, confidently, say this wasn't my fault.
Though just because I know that doesn't mean this still doesn't hurt. It doesn't erase the fact that narcissistic and borderline abuse nearly killed me. It's also the holidays so the hurt and pain is elevated x 300 for me.
So no, my life and holidays will never be the same again but even when you don't want to holiday, you end up holidaying because #newapartment. And yes, my Christmas playlist is loaded with all the sad holiday songs.