Saturday, March 7, 2020

New Month, Same Me

February flew by, a much welcome change from January. But the month was definitely filled with pain and sadness for a multitude of reasons. Fortunately, I had a few things to keep myself busy but as usual, it doesn't change much.

I talked to one of my best friends who I haven't had a conversation with in a long time last week. It was nice to catch up with her and get to hear a fresh perspective on things. We put bi-weekly calls on our calendars which was nice. 

For some reason, last month everyone's solution to make me feel better was "well if he did what he did to you, he'll do it to her too eventually." I don't wish this on anyone, I've said it once and I'll say it a million other times. I don't wish cheating (terrified to know exactly how many times that happened), lying (texting your ex and deleting the convo, creating random scenarios that never happened, etc), NPD, gaslighting, confusion, abrupt leaving, no closure, etc. on anyone. I don't wish what I've been feeling all these months on a single soul. 

And no he won't do it too her to, despite what everyone thinks and articles say. Why? Because if you do something so horrific and traumatizing to someone, and don't give a flying fuck that the manner in which you did something was wrong and acknowledge that, you've got to be damn sure you made the right decision (congrats girl).

What's been the only thing that's occasionally helping me? Pounding pavement. Track workouts specifically have made a difference, if only for 40 minutes a week.

I did all morning workouts this week including hills and, blech, mile repeats. After a few tempo runs Coach Jessica snuck the worst workout ever onto my cal. Reluctantly, I made my way to the track to totally crush those repeats. I ended up being under pace which felt great but it was only because I didn't check what was on the calendar before I left. 

My pace still isn't where it needs to be, but there's still 7 weeks plus a 10K race until the big day. I'm hoping to at least come within 5 minutes of my PR...if anything just for a little ego prep for fall training. 

[My new baby goat friend]

I'm excited to finally have my Athleta class locked down...and for getting more chapters in my book done! Stay tuned for more training updates and a link to the Athleta class.


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