Friday, April 10, 2020

Your New Normal Is What My New Normal Has Been

Feeling a bit anxious? Confused? Unsure if this is real life? Depressed? Scared? Like something blindsided you out of nowhere? Cry a lot? Suicidal? Like nothing will ever be the same again? Like something traumatic just happened to you and you're just insanely confused? Like no one can relate to exactly what you're feeling? Hoping for answers you'll never receive? Unsure how to accept that this is happening and real (Cuomo just said a version of this)?

Your new normal is what my new normal has been since the evening of June 25.

You may not have experienced the love of your life leaving you, cheating on you, like you were yesterday's trash, been gaslighted, lied to, got a first-row seat to NPD and BPD abuse, or watched what you thought was a wonderful life crash down. I know how hard that is to relate to when it's not something directly affecting you. I know most of my friends couldn't grasp a lot of it. Fuck, I still don't understand a lot of it. The aftermath is the worst, most loneliest part. 

But what you're feeling right now because of this pandemic. What you've been tweeting about, posting on Facebook, doing Instagram lives about. Your new reality. Wondering what the future will look like. Will life ever be the same again. Feeling overly emotional. Unsure how to talk to friends. Hurt, sad and confused. 

This is the new normal you didn't understand when I talked about it because it wasn't your reality. It's the new normal I've been living in. And it's the new normal we are now living together and that fucking sucks. 

I'd never want anyone to feel those things I've felt and been feeling. They're pretty shitty things. That everyone now gets the pleasure to experience. At least it's a collective group. 

But I hope there's a little more compassion when I, or anyone else you know or will come to meet, tries to put these feeling and thoughts into words (trust me, it's so hard to actually put what's going on in your head and heart into words when it's all hurt and pain), and share with you. Just as you are shocked that something like that happened to someone you actually know, the person, especially if they are known for being a super strong, independent human, is just as shocked. 

Feeling like it's hard to look ahead? Yep. But right now, we have my favorite season to look forward to. And even during the worst of times, the beach has always been my happy place. Whether it's with friends or solo. 

Also, speaking of the beach, Life's Better In Yoga Pants will be a great beach read ;)


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