While others are reading my blog on their vacation (I repeat, I am not stupid contrary to one persons' perception, also, unclear what's so interesting about me on vacation) and squirming for whatever reason (I mean, just enjoy your fantastic company), I am taking my annoyance with it out on the pavement.
Recovering from an abusive relationship, trying to break a trauma bond, and the frustration that comes with not having recognized the red flags until a professional had to teach them to me (love bombing, gaslighting, future faking, manipulation, walking on eggshells, etc) is annoying. There's nothing comforting about knowing that there are many others who have also been targeted by narcissists and those with BPD. There are so many systems failing that make it so cluster B sufferers can just go on with their lives, targeting amazing empathetic people, and breaking them down. I've watched so many TikTok's about the effects of NPD/BPD abuse and they are all the same, and relatable. The question is always, why the fuck did you destroy me?
This was always a fitness blog so might as well pepper in some running posts.
There's one week until my "time" trial which has really turned into a distance trial.
The half marathon had finally gotten canceled but my coach, anticipating that, had already snuck a time trial on the calendar. Which I was originally excited about, but then I went rogue with my runs.
I got some decent tempos done, I crush a few hills every morning, and my stamina is strong, but I'm not ready to surpass any goals quite yet.
My speed is not where I'm comfortable to go and knock it out of the park, and the longest run I've done in awhile was 10 miles last weekend, where I fell for the first time ever! I feel like I got initiated into some sort of exclusive running club for those who were trying to figure out which way to go and tripped in a ditch and on their own feet. Oopsies (which is exactly what I said when I fell).
So what's my plan of attack? An easy effort 13.1 on LI. What's easy effort? Solid question. I'm going to definitely push and put effort in, but I don't want to burn out. It's not a real race which means there's more work to be done this year. I'd like to see my pace at a solid 9:20 (goal pace is 8:30) to get comfortable with the distance and speed again. And with how annoyed I am, I imagine I can keep pace.
Distance runs are great for when you're in pain. Not because they also cause you more pain, but eventually you're just running and forget what's going on in your head. I'm not going to forget they went on my favorite vacation together, but I sure as fuck can take my anger out on the pavement.
Fingers crossed I can go the distance!