Monday, September 14, 2020

Complacency Does Not = Changed

Since quarantine started and I moved, I'd only spent one night away and it was at my mother's and it was naturally a disaster, hence why I only do day-trips to see her. 

This past weekend I jumped into my Jeep with one of my girlfriends and we went on a mini-getaway to the Catskills, Phoenicia to be exact.

Wow, what a fabulous weekend! And brownie points to my friend for putting up with my whining 20-year-old car, and whining 31-year-old me.

On our way up, we stopped at the Woodstock Brewery and had outside lunch in fresh, crisp air while staring at the mountains. 

We checked into the cutest "motel" I've ever been to - The Graham & Co. Naturally, the first thing we did was buy the respective t-shirts we had each been eyeing since booking the room. 

Next? Beer and books by the pool. The sun was hot, but the saltwater pool was freezing. It was still amazing since I hadn't been in a pool all summer; We floated, read, drank, and eventually decided it was time for dinner.

At this point you should definitely start taking notes about how many times I say cute in this post, because Peekamoose Restaurant was also the cutest! 

Wanting to sit outside (mainly me because I'm a no-go on indoor dining still), we grabbed drinks at the takeaway window and went to sit in their lawn/garden area that had picnic tables and a bonfire. Even the outdoor seating area where we dined was so chic and cozy. 

We couldn't wait to get back to the hotel, not just because we were freezing but also because s'mores. We chose the smaller fire since the one on the lawn was already occupied by a group.

Breakfast was delivered to our door in the cutest little box and I want this every day. In addition to coffee, our breakfast consisted of a fresh fruit cup, Chobani yogurt, delicious granola, a banana, and the most important part of a well-balanced breakfast, an apple cider donut. 

We decided to hike before our only set activity for the weekend, which turned into a mini-off-roading trip. The trail was to Diamond Notch Falls, and it was via Diamond Notch Road. It was so serene and peaceful. The "peak" (the waterfalls) was beautiful and it we had more time, it would have been awesome to swim around. But we didn't because we were Late with a capital L. We BOOKED it back to the car, as fast as one can on shifting rocks and some obstacles. And flew to the Rail Explorers site and literally made it just before they were about to take off and we'd lose our spot and money. 

Afterwards we were absolutely starving and inhaled our personal pizzas by the pool before decided that dinner was going to be ice cream and dessert was more s'mores, and a little bit of red wine. 

Adventure day completed.

On the way home we decided to make a few stops. We walked around the very tiny town of Phoenicia and bought all of the things. Then headed over to Woodstock because #bread. Oh and also my friend had never been. Lastly, we stopped by an orchard for apple picking and a beer. 

Which, after a long-winded 43883 paragraphs brings me to the title of this post - complacency does not equal changed. Sitting at our picnic table, rehashing the weekend and all life things, we talked about how some men, especially those with personality disorders such as NPD/BPD, rarely change. Though it looks like it from the outside, they are still the same. The person they are now targeting and are with may just be more complacent than you or I was. Them being OK with behavior, knowing about past abuse, and potentially losing who they are, does not mean he changed. It's something I need to remind myself of often, and start actually believing it. 

I've always been super grateful that the one thing that wasn't stolen from me was my ambition. I never stopped thinking there weren't things I couldn't do, and never stopped trying new things, even if they failed or didn't start perfectly. Now I need to ambitiously remind myself that someone else's complacency and what they're willing to settle for, doesn't' mean he changed. There's always a common denominator even when the numerator changes. That's how things add up and you start to see patterns.

Now that I'm feeling super refreshed and am ready for my beach vacation, I'm going to take advantage before I take by two steps back.


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