When I started this post, it was a rave review for a book I read, Charming Falls Apart. It's the fiction version of the last six chapters of Life's Better In Yoga Pants.
The key takeaway? They don't change. They cheat, they lie, they take from you, they do all of the things, and even with the girl they cheated on you with, they don't change.
Me and the main character are twinsies. I couldn't put the book down because there were just too many similarities - public relations, running, cheating and lying exes, losing yourself and not realizing, all of the fucking things. The book was a fascinating look at the fictional version of my life and I'm curious to know where I'd be if lockdown didn't happen.
I was doing OK going into March. Consistently hanging out with friends, being social, going to yoga and brunch. I was by no means OK or healed, but we were going somewhere. I wonder where I would be if I didn't lose all of these months of recovery, if I didn't have to start from square one again. Would I be able to say I'm happy and fine and actually mean it? Something else that was relatable in Charming Falls Apart was when the owner of the coffee shop (who the MC ends up dating in the end), told her she always looked so put together, you'd never know all of the things. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that someone didn't know something was killing me, literally, because I occasionally can hold my shit together.
This weekend I discovered my love for TikTok and also found NPD/BPD posts in my for you feed. I have 0 idea how the algorithm works but I discovered a song by Halsey."But you're not half the man you think that you are
I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you
'Cause you can't love nothin' unless there's somethin' in it for you"
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