Wednesday, March 17, 2021

And Just Like, We're Back Where We Started

A year ago, I was doing OK. Living, participating in activities, trying to focus on this new life I got stuck with. Then boom - the world stopped (as if mine hadn't already 😂). 

According to news sources, today marks the day that we began closing everything but the essentials. If I thought the nine months leading up to the pandemic that I didn't know was going to happen were hard and challenging, I was in for a shock to my system. 

Let's take a short trip down memory lane. 

First and foremost, the only answer to any of the questions I had is the same as it was - a borderline, narcissistic abuser will never give you the closure you want or deserve, and they treat you like shit on purpose. They know what they are doing, they think it's funny and that the other person is always the problem. What someone else did to me is not my fault. 

April was filled with silence, empty streets, and sirens all day and night. It was probably the month where I saw the least amount of people as well. All we could do was hope the ambulance wasn't going to our friend's houses. 

I was reminded about how much I despise working from home, and with no other humans around. This extrovert does not do this. 

I was also reminded about how social I am.

Can you tell that I hated quarantine yet?

And though I regained my physical health, my mental health completely tanked again. When you are locked at home, alone, it's very easy for your mind to go back to asking all the questions. There's nothing fun about continuing to relive the cheating, lying, future-faking and gaslighting, in your head all over again because there's literally nothing to do. I went from doing well in March 2020, to taking a 9-month step back.  

There were curfews, "block parties," mask-shaming, fighting, roads shut down to cars, riots, the list goes on. 

In short, the past year plus the nine months prior were fucking bad. Terrible. 0/10 will never recommend. 

BUT that doesn't mean good things weren't happening. 

For the first half of the pandemic, my running was on 🔥! It took a hit after I finally hit my holy shit pandemic moment in August, and when I got injured in October. But I'm back and ready to get fast before my big fall race!

I got my first paddleboard! It's an inflatable which is perfect for my apartment and transportation. I've always wanted one because I enjoy paddling and I'm so glad I can go whenever I want now. It's a great summer activity that can be done upstate or on LI! 

I got to hike so many new-to-me mountains and even conquered some rock scrambling. I'm excited-not-excited to do Breakneck this spring. 

Weekend trips were in abundance to wherever was in a driveable distance! Phoenicia, Poconos, New Hapmshire, LI...

Pandemic panic purchase. 

Furnished my new apartment and made it look semi-adult-like. 

[Reprsentative of Christina, Danielle and Bianca]

Got to spend extra time with best friends, and friends who were acquaintances and became an important part of my life because we overcame the worst of the pandemic together. I also got a surprise visit from a very old friend!

On the contrary, I also lost some friends. 

Started playing the violin again and invested in lessons! 

Got a new snowboard and spent some time on the mountains. I'm excited to get back into it and hopefully get into the park before I'm 40 (just a few jumps and a rail is all I want!).

Found a virtual Pilates studio I love.

Tried out a shit ton of new recipes. 

Speaking of Pilates, I got to keep my local consumer series going longer than its normal summer season! 

And most importantly, I learned how to live with a destroyed heart while doing things I enjoy. 

What's next? I have no idea, but does anyone really know? I'm excited to start getting back to normal and seeing how the rest of the year goes. There are so many great things happening for me right now and I'm just glad I don't have a narc around to ruin it for me.



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