Thursday, November 11, 2021

All Roads Lead to New York [City]

If you follow me on Instagram then you know a decent amount of this content is from one of my posts on there. But if not, welcome! 

I decided I wanted to run NYC again while spectating in 2019, a year later than I needed to have had made that decision. So I did what any rational human would do, wait my turn to 9+1. 

JK. I spilled my guts to my coaches about everything going on and why I needed to run this race RIGHT NOW. 

Horrific break up with a borderline narcissist ✔️
Watching my business slowly get destroyed ✔️
Financial disaster from all of the above ✔️
Straight up unhappiness and sadness from the worst experience of my life - Also ✔️

Nothing was going right. And let's get real - it never got back on track because COVID came in like the fucking Kool-Aid man and spared no feelings. Right back down the rabbit hole I was getting better from we went.

NYC didn't feel like home. It was where I dreamed of living and owning something when I was a teenager and I felt so lost. I had gotten so much of my life, and myself, taken away from me from one abusive person. And the more truths I found out about them (and how disgustingly similar she and I are), the worse the story (and my mental health) got. It's no secret I will give most anyone second chances and give the benefit of the doubt to many, but I was wrong this time. There are bad people out there who will purposely destroy you. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that from a textbook, I learned it from my life. 

I never thought this blog would be become an outlet for me to get my thoughts out about this. But writing certainly helps put my feelings on paper instead of keeping them bottled up. And it is a health and wellness blog after all and mental health falls into that category! 

The hardest part about this race was waiting so long to run it. It was a tool for me to feel better and I had to wait an entire extra year, two years after I made the decision that I HAD to do it again.

My race plan went to shit in mile 2 thanks to that downhill that I went flying down. Whoopsie. It was 100% worth it though to be greeted by the crowd yelling 'Welcome Back Runners!' in Bay Ridge. Cue the tears and the OMG I'M DOING THIS...AGAIN thoughts. 

While the reduced field was nice and it felt like I had space on the course, I couldn't find a pack to settle in with and slowing down was challenging. 

Running through the neighborhood where they live just after mile 7 was empowering, nerve-wracking and freeing at the same time. This race for me was taking back where I live and knowing that I belong wherever the fuck I damn please in the city. Including in that neighborhood. Which is great because one of my besties birthday party's is over there. Also, I don't think my request for a minor diversion because "my narcissistic ex and the new girl live there" would have been granted by NYRR.

The whole race went by faster than I remember. It felt like everytime I looked up there was a another water station which = another mile. 

Going over the Pulaski and hearing welcome home, seeing my teammates and my sister was exactly what I needed to get over the Queensboro. And fortunately there was some terrible singing happening on the bridge which encouraged me to keep moving forward. 

1st Ave was wild and more crowded than usual with spectators. I saw coach Jessie and right after that is when I 100% lost whatever plan was left. 

Trudging up the Willis Ave. bridge, one of my teammates caught up to me which gave me an extra boost to get through the last 10K, especially since I had run it two weekends in a row prior to Sunday. I then caught up with another teammate and up 5th Ave we went. 

What a climb! Got to see coach Jessie, my sister and my cheer dog one last time before making the right into the park. 

Then it was time to turn it on! Also I was starving because I didn't take my last gel at mile 20 because I was too full. In hindsight, I should have taken that gel. 

Once I got to Central Park West I just started gutting it out. Then when I made the right into the park I saw my watch was creeping close to a number I wouldn't have been happy with.

400M to go - sprint. I gave it every last ounce of what I had left to beat that clock from turning another minute. Uphill, weaving around walkers. And I made it! 

While this wasn't a PR, it was a course PR and better than Chicago just a month ago. I'm very proud of the double, the grit, the determination, not giving up and getting out there.

I ran NY when I started my business and it's always been my biggest piece of biz advice - if you want to know what you're really made of, start a business and train for your first marathon simultaneously. 

I am so grateful to have run this city one more time and taken more of my life back. I belong here. And no piece of shit can change that (FYI he literally called himself a piece of shit one day, my therapist had even said he literally told you who he don't @ me for saying that). 

Like the DJ yelled when I made that left after the Pulaski let’s go Hellgate…welcome home.